Deadgirl Read online

  # # #

  Our Heroine walked in to find Kiri prepping Jill for the big reveal. She had somehow managed to find a shirt and pants that various one-night-stands had left over the years, along with some leather gloves that went up to her elbows. She always thought they looked cool, but never got the chance to do anything with them.

  "Oh. My. God," Jill exclaimed. "You can't be serious."

  "It's me boss," she said.

  "Prove it. Tell me something no one else knows about me."

  DG leaned in close. "Remember that time at Lupie's when you told me about your boyfriend being killed..."

  "It's him. Um...her. Oh, this is going to be confusing."

  "I think this is going to be awesome," she replied. "I mean, look at me. No villain is going to expect this coming at them."

  Deadgirl twirled around in front of Jill. "You seem to be happy about this," she remarked. Our Heroine nodded with enthusiasm.

  "I can officially pick up cute lesbian," she proclaimed, hoisting her fist in the air. "Plus, I can sing along to all my favorite female-fronted metal bands and people won't question it." She tapped an app on her phone and started singing badly.

  Kiri tapped a few times on her tablet, and the music was cut off. DG looked at her, upset and annoyed. "You're still not allowed to sing," she said with a smile.

  The door chimed. The ladies turned to see Valkadaidan standing in the doorway. The look on his face was a mix of disbelief, concern, and dread. Deadgirl got a chuckle out of it. "Valkster," she exclaimed, holding her arms out.

  Valk simple turned and walked out. Our Heroine chased after him. "Come on. Don't be that way," she pleaded. Jill and Kiri started to laugh. She darted out the door. "Valk, come back in. We've got work to do."

  "You don't get it," he growled. "The visions that have been plaguing me for months. The fire. The chaos. The destruction of the Professional Hero. It all started with a woman." He turned to face her. "You are that woman."

  "Valk, I think you're overreacting," she said. Even as a woman, she still had that sardonic tone to her voice. "The Professional Heroes have you and I. Nothing can destroy us."

  "Prove it," he said. "Prove you're really Deadguy and not some fake."

  "Fine," she sighed. She walked back into the office and swiped the mythical baseball bat-shaped-mace Masamune from off the weapon rack in the corner. The phone rang as she walked back out with it resting on her shoulder. "This proof enough for ya?"

  Valkadaidan nodded briskly. "It'll do."

  "Guys," Jill exclaimed, running out the front door. "Erm, Valk and Dee Gee. We've got a weird problem. Nazi robot death machines are destroying Hurt District."

  "Nazi? Robot? Death machines," she asked, not believing the words coming out of her mouth. "This is going to be one of those days, isn't it?"

  The Heroes pulled up to a devastated city scene. Buildings were blasted open. Cars and trucks overturned. People were being led into giant containers by machines that looked like they were designed during World War Two. Their clunky, tank-like exterior bore very familiar symbols.

  "Yep, those are Nazi robot death machines," DG confirmed. "But what's a Nazi human never mind I know the answer to that question."

  "Why would someone design something like this," Kiri asked.

  "Some people can't let go of the past," Jill answered. "Some people think genetic purity is a good idea."

  Valkadaidan scoffed. "If humanity only knew."

  "Yeah, genetic purity doesn't exist," Our Heroine agreed. "but, I get to bust up some pretty little hate machines, so let's party." She charged into battle, knocking one of the robot's feet from under them with the aid of Masamune. Valk jumped in behind her and sliced it's head off, causing sparks and oil to spray out.

  Kiri and Jill teamed up to take down the next one. With her electric bracelets, she was able to slow one of the machines down while Jill fired a few shots into it's head. The machine shook for a few moments, then collapsed into a heap of junk.

  "These things are way too easy to take out," Deadgirl said as she knocked the arm off of another machine. "I thought they built things to last back then?"

  "I don't think they actually had these back then," Jill remarked. "If they did, the war would have been a lot different."

  "I don't know," DG questioned, swinging her bat and tacking the robot's head clean off. "Hey Valkster, did they have these during World War Two?"

  "Don't know," he replied, slicing a robot in two. "Wasn't there."

  "It was freaking World War Two! Everyone was there. Good guys. Bad guys. Superheroes. Aliens. Demons. Occultists. I think even your mom was there."

  "Where you there," Kiri asked, short-circuiting another robot.

  "If I'm as old as everyone says I am, than probably."

  "Help," a man cried out. Deadgirl looked over to see a business man about to be overrun by two of the machines.

  "Don't worry," she yelled. "I'm on my way". She ran over and smashed Masamune into the back of one of the robots. It fell like a sack of bricks. The other turned to hit her, but she blocked it with her weapon. She swung around and slammed the arm off, then stabbed it through it's chest. It shook violently as it fell to the ground. "You alright," she asked the man as she watched the other Heroes fighting.

  "Who are you," the man asked.

  "Deadguy, er, girl. Professional Hero Extraordinaire," she replied.

  "Shouldn't it be Professional Heroine," he asked.

  She turned and scowled at him. "Why does 'Hero' have to be feminized," she shot back. "A hero's a hero's a hero, regardless of gender. Making the word feminine demeans not only the purpose, but also every woman that's ever been a hero." Our Hero turned back to the robotic Nazis. "Besides, 'heroine' sounds too much like a drug that I'm pretty sure no one wants to be associated with."

  "Hey you, Hero," Jill yelled to DG. "Valkadaidan needs a hand with a few machines trying to overturn a bus."

  "On it boss," she exclaimed, rushing over to smash Masamune into a few robots that felt like they were built out of tin. Within moments, the duo of destruction had laid waste to the machines. Jill and Kiri finished up the last of the mechanical maniacs and met up with Deadgirl and Valk. "Well, this was random."

  "Nothing in this city is random," Jill stated. "Except for you."

  Kiri was looking over one of the heads. "I know this design," she declared. "There was a company that made a weird interactive 'What If' game-like experience a few years ago where people could run around in giant simulators of different historical scenarios."

  "How come I never heard about this," Our Hero asked.

  "Your amnesia," Valkadaidan suggested.

  "Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

  "Anyway," Kiri continued. "It was shut down once people started getting hurt. I think a few people were killed."

  "Now I'm curious," Jill said. "I've never heard of this either."

  "It was in Russia," the Techie answered. "You know how they love to hide things from the rest of the world."

  "If it was there, how did those end up here," Deadgirl asked, motioning her hands between 'there' and 'here'.

  "I heard a technological company bought up all the rights and materials," Kiri remarked, trying to pry the mechanical head open. "I didn't know they were local. Ah! There we go."

  "This company have a name," Jill questioned.

  "Platzhalter Industries," she said, showing the company's stamp on the inside of the head.

  "That's ran by Rickard Versehen," Jill answered. "and I know exactly where to find him.